Through the Blaze PAPERBACK

CHAPTER 1

Stupid twitching upper lip. Lisa Meland raised a hand to her face. Besides the sudden and embarrassing tic on her mouth, her cheeks ached from the smile she’d pinned in place all afternoon.

Hiding behind her manicured fingers, she flexed her jaw and reassembled her ear- to-ear grin. One was supposed to radiate delight at one’s best friend’s bridal shower.

Especially when that friend had waited so long to find her knight in shining armor. Of course, no one was talking about how that armor might decay into a rusty heap of junk before the ink was dry on the marriage certificate. Bridal showers were all sunshine and roses, pulling a veil over the hard reality of what came afterward.

Lisa joined in the polite chuckling at a joke she hadn’t heard. Whatever it took, short of sticking her fingers into her cheeks, she planned on holding her Cheshire Cat smile in place for every trite comment the guests trotted out.

This was Sonia Krogstad’s moment, her time to celebrate the dawn of her happily-ever-after. There was no way her radiant glow came from her Revlon Cappuccino foundation, the same shade Lisa also used. No makeup could do that. Sonia was lit up from within by a beacon of shiny new love.

The friends were forty-six, but this was Sonia’s first chance to go through the excitement of being a bride. Sonia deserved happiness, and she deserved to have her friends whoop it up and hype every thrill in the run-up to her wedding.

Lisa drew in a breath, calling on her hard-earned ability to lock her own bitter regrets away and rejoice wholeheartedly when other people found love. It shouldn’t be this hard. Perhaps it was particularly tough today because it wasn’t just any random woman from among her work colleagues or from church. It was Sonia, from her closest circle of friends. Sonia had buried her heartbreak behind a smile when Lisa was starting her own once-hopeful love story. And Sonia had rushed to Lisa’s side to help pick up the pieces when Lisa’s marriage shattered into razor-sharp shards that had cut her heart into ribbons.

Bethany. Reidun. Johanna. They were all here. All well into their forties. All single. If they could put on a brave face for Sonia, so could she.

And so, Lisa smiled from a corner of Bethany’s living room, a space now transformed into a frothy dream of gold and pink.

A wall-to-wall banner proclaimed, “She Said Yes!” in gold lettering. Bunches of pink and gold balloons hung from the walls and ceiling, the color scheme carrying through to the refreshments.

The guests sipped pink sparkly lemonade and nibbled on cupcakes with pink and gold sprinkles. Gold platters filled with pink finger food, including open smoked salmon sandwiches and crab cakes, sat on the long table of refreshments.

Sonia beamed under her pink and gold tiara, a pile of presents on the coffee table in front of her. As Sonia unwrapped each package, the woman who had given it to her explained why she’d chosen that gift and imparted a few words of marital advice. It was the same brand of counsel Lisa had heard when she, too, was a glowing, shiny-eyed bride. It should have come with a consumer warning label: your mileage may vary. Some people might make it through a long, happy marriage. Others, like Lisa, would screech to a painful and early stop.

Lisa had zoned out after the first five gifts, all pieces of lingerie accompanied by blushes, giggles, and comments about keeping things fresh and sweet in the bedroom. Been there. Done that. Still separated.

Sonia unwrapped a silky negligee. This one was from Ingrid Alver, the pastor’s wife.

Lisa could normally tune out Ingrid’s prim, sanctimonious tone and hear the down-to-earth advice that lay beneath. Not today, though.

The pastor’s wife tilted her perfectly coiffed gray head and pursed her lips, the expression that usually preceded one of her homilies. “Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, my dear. My gift for you is a beautiful piece of nightwear. I want you to go home now and get rid of all those shapeless, over-sized T-shirts and boring flannel pajamas. It’s up to you to make your home a haven of peace for your husband, and your bedroom his place of bliss and rest. Never, ever let the sun go down on your anger.”

Lisa pressed her lips tightly together and stood, gathering empty plates in order to escape into the kitchen under the guise of tidying up. This sort of saccharine advice was worse than useless. Nobody had had the wit or courage to tell her the things she’d actually needed to know before entangling her life with her husband’s.

She was halfway to the kitchen door with a pile of plates when Bethany called out, “Lisa, hang on a minute. Sonia’s about to open your gift.”

Lisa turned around. Her escape was foiled. She’d need to work her smiling muscles well beyond their limit.

Sonia looked up at Lisa, shaking a package wrapped in blue and silver. “Ooh, what’s this?”

Lisa’s heart ached at the delight in her friend’s face. What she wouldn’t give to have that pure, unclouded optimism again. She set the plates on the table, next to the platter of pink cupcakes. Would her friend like the gift?

Sonia unwrapped a hand carved wooden box.

The other guests oohed and aahed as Sonia turned it around in her hands, running her fingers along the intricate designs.

Beaming, she hugged the gift to her chest. “Thank you so much!”

Mrs. Alver held out her hand. “Could I have a look, please? Such beautiful carvings and inlays. Is it a keepsake box?” She raised her eyes to Lisa.

“No, it’s a money box,” Lisa said.

The older woman smiled. “Oh. What a beautiful gift. Of course, a married couple must mingle their finances and be completely generous and open with each other in money matters, as well. A very thoughtful gift.”

“Actually, that’s not why I bought that gift.” So much for Lisa’s plans to grin and nod along. Her friend’s wellbeing mattered, and she would not dish out mealy-mouthed platitudes.

She focused on the bride-to-be, blocking out her awareness of all the other eyes boring into her. “Sonia, I gave you a money box to remind you that you need to keep a little stash of your own money that nobody else has access to. That’s the most important advice I was never given when I was about to get married.”

Sonia pressed her lips together and nodded slowly.

Bethany lifted a hand to cover her face.

Lisa stared at Sonia. Did her friend understand? No one else’s opinion mattered.

The pastor’s wife cleared her throat, breaking the silence. “I’m sure what Lisa meant to say was that it is indeed important to save money, and this is something that you and your husband should do together in order to build your future.”

Lisa shook her head. “I said what I meant. It’s very well and good to go into marriage with high hopes and dreams. Wear all the cute lingerie and construct a haven of peaceful bliss in your bedroom, and whatever. But you also need to be practical and realistic and plan for the worst even while you hope for the best. And one of the best practical things to do is to have a stash of money in your name only that you keep to yourself.”

She glanced at Mrs. Alver’s reddened face and turned her gaze back on Sonia. “Don’t lose your brain along with your heart.”

Lisa’s words were as welcome as a turd in a swimming pool. None of her friends would look at her.

Mrs. Alver took a deep breath, her chest swelling. “Well. I’ve always known that we are called to come into marriage with open hearts and open hands. Pastor Alver and I will celebrate fifty-two years of marriage next month, and I only speak what I know to be true. Why not open another gift, my dear?”

Lisa’s face burned. Nice of Mrs. Alver to put her firmly in her place. The implication was clear: follow my advice and remain married for five decades and more. Listen to Lisa if you want your marriage to fail within a few short years.

Lisa snapped her mouth shut and snatched up the plates. She headed for the kitchen with quick steps. Why did she bother saying anything? She slammed the crockery onto the kitchen counter.

Bethany pushed through the kitchen door, facing Lisa with her hands on her hips. “Whatever that was about, please don’t take it out on my plates.”

Lisa sighed and rubbed her temples. “Sorry.”

Bethany stepped forward, glancing at the crockery.

“Nothing seems to be broken. That was quite the speech, though.”

“I was just trying to give Sonia some helpful advice.”

“Not saying you were wrong, but that was a bit of a buzzkill.”

“Maybe. But everyone was saying all the usual useless, hackneyed things.” Lisa crossed her arms. “Someone has to tell Sonia that marriage isn’t some rosy dream. People don’t transform into angels just because they have a ring on their finger, and yet that’s the impression we give off in all the bridal showers we have in our church. The good church girls are the worst prepared when things go wrong. We must tell women to take care of themselves because no one else will. Don’t you think I’d love to believe Mrs. Alver’s pitch?”

Bethany’s eyes softened. “I know where you’re coming from.” She touched Lisa’s arm. “Maybe that’s why you’re a bit more sensitive to—”

Lisa shook Bethany’s hand off her arm. “It’s got nothing to do with me, okay?”

Bethany held her hands up. “Okay, if you say so. Sorry. I was just concerned that you killed the party mood.”

“Better to kill a party than to kill a marriage. And like I said, women have to take care of themselves.” Because no one else would. When her marriage had crumbled around her, there had been no safety net. No one to give her the advice she wished she had been given.

Lisa’s phone buzzed, jolting her back into the present.
As she pulled it out of her jeans pocket, Bethany stepped toward the door. “I’ll get back in there.”

Lisa glanced at the screen. It was her daughter, Eline. She was probably ready to pin down a date for when she’d be coming home for the summer. “Hello?” She leaned against the kitchen counter as the door closed behind Bethany.

“Hi, Mama. Are you sitting down?”

Lisa caught the hum of excitement in her daughter’s voice. Eline was twenty-one, but when she was excited, she sounded about fifteen.

“Why should I be sitting down?”

“I’m getting married!”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Lisa flopped onto a stool at the breakfast bar, her knees turning to rubber. “How could you be getting married? I thought you and Einar were broken up.”

Had Eline’s on-again-off-again boyfriend mustered enough enthusiasm to propose?

“Einar’s ancient history. I’m engaged to Adam.”

“Adam who?”

Eline giggled. “Adam Solheim. Don’t you remember?”

The name rang a distant, distorted bell in Lisa’s stunned wits. “Is he the one who plays in the worship band or something?”

“Yes, that’s him! He’s been a good friend for a while, but we only began dating when I went back for my final year.”

Lisa gripped her phone. “So, you’ve been seeing him since last fall? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Um…I don’t know. You kinda freaked out about Einar, and maybe I did jump the gun a bit with him. So, this time I wanted to be sure before I told you. Well, I’m sure.”

Lisa dug her nails into her palm to stop herself from yelling into the phone. It was too soon. How could it not be? Eline was ricocheting off her last breakup with Einar, and this Adam fellow was the closest light-up target in the crazy pinball game Eline called her love life.

Lisa unclenched her fingers and looked at the deep red half-moon dents on her palm. She forced herself to breathe slowly. Eline would be coming home soon. Maybe she could reason with her daughter face to face. She mustered as much enthusiasm as she could and squeezed it into her voice. “Wow. Congratulations.”

“Thanks! I told you this was huge.”

“Remind me, what does Adam do? Is he a student at the university as well?”

“Yes, he’s a music student. Or, rather, he was. He’s just finished his final year, too.”

A music student. Einar had been studying medicine. But that shouldn’t matter. A musician could be a much better husband than a doctor. Images flashed through her head. Would he have long hair and be covered in tattoos from head to toe? But, no, Adam played in the church band, and he was getting a university degree. Perhaps he was a buttoned up nerdy type. “And you’re getting married.” Lisa struggled to get her mouth around the words.

Eline laughed. “Yes. It’s really sudden, but when you know, you know, right?”

Lisa needed to move, to occupy her hands. Anything to keep herself from ranting at her daughter. She picked up a plate of half-eaten snacks and dumped it into the trash.

Bother. Some of Bethany’s silverware slid into the garbage bin, too. Lisa scrunched up her nose and groped around inside the bin. “So, when do I get to meet him?”

“I want to come to Berghaven with him this weekend after I tie up some loose ends here. Things have been insane, but I’m almost done packing up my apartment and donating or selling whatever I can’t bring with me.”

“Wait, hang on.” A silver-plated cake server slid out of Lisa’s grasp, slipping once more into the depths of the garbage bin. “Why do you need to pack up your apartment and sell your things? I thought you were continuing with your master’s degree in the fall. Do you need to move?”

Eline was silent for a couple of seconds. “Oh. Didn’t I tell you? Adam and I want to get married this summer.”

“This summer? Why the rush?” Lisa’s raised voice bounced off the kitchen walls. A new thought struck her with the force of a freight train. No, no, no. Please, God, no. “You’re not… You’re not—”

“No!” Eline said quickly. “Adam has been accepted to do his master’s degree at NTNU in Trondheim, and we want to go there together. So, I turned my offer down. I could always apply to NTNU, too, next year. They’ve got a great computer science program.”

Lisa sucked in a breath of air and made herself release it slowly.

“Mama? Are you still there?”

Yes, Lisa was still here. Bethany’s kitchen was still solid. The birds outside were carrying on with their chattering, as were the bridal shower guests. Everything still looked and sounded the same. Her daughter had just decided to throw away all the carefully laid plans they’d made together and everything they’d worked to achieve, but Lisa was here.

Her fingers closed around cold metal, and she fished the silver server out of the trash can. She held it tightly, its edges digging into the flesh of her palm.

“Yes. Sorry, it’s all a lot to take in. Did you say you were coming home this weekend? With Adam?”

Eline’s voice hummed with excitement again. “Yes. He’s really looking forward to meeting you. I’ll send you a text with our flight details as soon as I have them. But it’ll probably be next weekend, Friday or Saturday.”

“Okay.” Lisa dropped the server into the sink and stared at her hand, now smeared with cake crumbs and pink frosting. The leftover mess of a celebration of love. “Listen, sweetheart, I need to go. I’m at Sonia’s shower.”

“Oh, that’s right. Give her my best. Speak to you soon. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Lisa put her phone on the kitchen counter as a burst of laughter trickled in from the living room.

Ten minutes ago, she’d been concerned about Sonia’s upcoming wedding. And now her baby girl was getting married. To a stranger. A stranger studying music. She was ditching her master’s in computer science to marry this Adam fellow, about whom Lisa knew next to nothing.

Anxiety for her daughter clawed at her gut. She remembered exactly what it felt like to ride a tidal wave of young love headlong into a wedding. Her wedding. She was still living in the debris from the shipwreck of that marriage.

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